You have gotten so skinny. You were always skinny, but when I saw you almost naked the other night, it was alarming. Maybe just because I hadn’t seen you naked in six years. Maybe because I hadn’t seen you naked with your shaved head before, and something about the uninterrupted fuzzy skin made you look sort of like a newborn rodent. That’s awful. I only thought that for a moment, I swear. I meant it when I told you how well you’ve aged.
We were not the best match when we dated a decade ago. So much drunken drama, mostly surrounding your jealous tendencies and my flirtatious ones. I remember you becoming infuriated when I danced with The Communist at a party. You were upset that I hadn’t asked YOU to dance. I replied, “I knew you would say no.”
Eventually on the phone one night you said, “Maybe we should just break up,” and I said, “FINE.” I started dating a guy you probably still hate. You seemed to have a hard time being around me, until we hooked up at a wine-drenched party in that awful apartment I lived in. Somehow, that made our friendship normal and possible again. We kept sleeping together occasionally for the next few years. It was so comfortable and nice, and there was never any does-this-mean-anything tension; it was just two old friends enjoying each other.
So when your girlfriend of several years finally dumped you, my immediate reaction was to think, “We’re totally gonna do it.” That, and, “I can’t believe it took them so long.” We were finally in the same place, and it seemed like old times, all of us hanging out, drinking beer, joking around. We got back to your apartment and you seemed to have a battle with yourself about whether or not you were ready to be sleeping with someone. I thought that maybe I misremembered your tendencies toward over-thinking and self doubt, but now I think time may have just magnified them.
We didn’t do it. That’s OK. I really like the friendship that we’ve maintained all these years, and if sex isn’t part of the deal anymore, that’s fine.
But you’re totally missing out.