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Archive for July, 2011

I love in the Bachelorette when Roberto tells Ali he loves her. She says, “”My heart feels like it’s exploding out of my chest. Like, exploding!”


(circa 12:55)

Sometimes I feel like my heart is exploding when you talk to me. What will I do if you tell me you love me?

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__Neptune_Beckons__

If the god of the Sea should call to you,
Beware to heed this entreat, it sounds

Innocent like gulls and harbor bells
He means for you to drown.

1.
In condensation circles he draws your fate
While you sit patiently and wait

Imagining you make a choice,
That you could walk away

You’re caught up in the crashing wave
Churning effortlessly, green and grey.

With darkest eyes five fathoms deep,
He leads you further still

And by the time you sense the undertow
He’s reaching for the bill.

2.
The ocean’s ebb he makes like night air
Swirling around your head

Your hair whips round, it seems like speed,
But you’re sinking lower then.

The stirred up sand glints like stars in the sky
As he gently leads you deep

Where coral and crenellated seaweed fronds
Appear like furniture and boxwood leafs.

And you think it’s wine that sways you
But it’s already the swell

That’s filled your lungs and soaked your eyes
In an underwater cell.

3.
He tells you he likes music,
But the Sirens work for him

It’s their job to sing to you
While he tugs your body back to shore

Not noticing the sea water
Still seeping from your pores

Driving home, your legs are damp
With passion, so you say

But he’s risen the surf up over your head
And floated you away.

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The last time I had sex with anyone but myself was 11 months ago and I’m making a plan to get some. I wish it was going to be with you but it’s not. You are the man I want the most and worst right now. It would be scary for me to have sex with you. My ego couldn’t take it. You don’t ask me out you only respond when I reach out to you. You aren’t affectionate and you don’t ever express being attracted to me except when we go dancing together.

I have loved those dancing times. It’s the only time you are physically affectionate and we aren’t talking. You take my hand and pull me to you and press against me. I can give in to how bad I want you without feeling too stupid or too desperate. I hold tight to your back or your thigh and put my head into your shoulder. I am scared to look into your eyes. I don’t know what I see there.

You gave me the “I don’t want anything serious right now. I don’t believe in nonmonogamy” speech. You are a dj. Women chase you. I hate the idea of being one of them. You only had a chance with me because your friend told me you were a great guy who only liked to be serious with women. That you weren’t a dog like those other guys that hang out at that club where you dj. She was totally wrong. But by the time I found out I was already attached to you – how interesting you are, how tall, how beautiful your face, what a good listener you are, how great our conversations are, your subtle sense of humor.

I want you so bad. But I don’t want the pain and confusion and uncertainty. I am making plans to fuck that silly young guy with the hot body I met a few weeks ago. He and I don’t hang out in the same neighborhoods and we don’t have any friends in common. I can go to bed with him and easily never talk to or see him again. I wish it was you.

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i guess i’m not that surprised to say that i miss you.
you inspired endless excitement and staying up late.
i know it was a bad idea, but sometimes the bad ideas are the most thrilling.
things could have been different, but then it wouldn’t have been so damn good, so i guess not.
i think i was the asshole, but i’m not entirely sure.
or anyway, it was no one’s fault.

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Dude. C’mon. We’ve been friends for 6 years. I know you so well. I know you can’t be happy for anyone because you are so trapped in your own head. Which is why your silence is screaming so loudly in my face. It’s been 6 days since I changed my facebook status to ‘engaged’ and it’s been 6 days since we talked. I’ve texted you 6 times. You really are a pain in the butt how you’re so frustratingly in the way of your own happiness. I want you to have the amazing happiness that I’ve found, but you need to let yourself find it. I am so sad for you for doing this to yourself, but I’m really mad too. I’m disappointed that you couldn’t live up to your promise of being just my friend. It’s actually pretty backwards: remember the time you cut me out of your life out of fear when we tried to start something more than friendship? I begged to be friends again because I missed you every day, but I can’t miss you this time. I’m deleting again you on facebook if you don’t text me back. And yes, I realize how 6 years ago that sounds. Grown up and realize that you don’t have to be jealous of other people’s happiness. There’s enough for you, too.

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Sixteen years ago, we were college roommates and instant best friends. You’ve shared every secret, every syllable of your life with me as I have with you. I know you love me, I feel it in my soul and when you tell me you do it makes my stomach flip.

We are soulmates. So, it’s a strange and cruel twist of fate that I’m a lesbian and you are straight.

Now you are married with a beautiful child and a house in the suburbs and you call me to tell me how you don’t love your husband anymore and you want to leave him. He doesn’t understand you like I do. He doesn’t deserve you.

You know I’ve had a crush on you since the first smile you flashed. When we were drunk and you’d spoon me, I thought maybe you felt the same way too. But you’d just laugh it off, knowing that I’m “safe” and playing as though you’ll always have my heart…and you always will…as it breaks.

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dear letters for loves readers!

send your favorite summer love story to lettersforloves (at) gmail.com

the better yer letter, the more people read, the more people write.

it’s like a trend.

much love!

xox

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