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Archive for September, 2011

Does this count as a commitment? Does this make me your girlfriend even if you don’t know if you want to be my boyfriend? Should I think of you special friend, boyfriend, partner, lover, husband, man, or what.

1. I don’t want to have sex with anyone else.
2. I don’t want to kiss anyone else.
3. I don’t want anyone else to touch me naked.
4. I don’t want to sleep in the same bed with anyone else.

and

1. I want to touch your naked skin all the time.
2. I want to talk to you all the time, even late at night when I am tired, even when I am sick and feel awful.
3. I want to know that you are ok and people are treating you well.
4. I want to know so many things about you and show you so many things about me.
5. I want to tell you funny stories and hear you laugh and see you smile.
6. I want to be the one that notices how shy your face becomes sometimes.
7. I want to be the one that makes you happy and that you turn to in a room, in a crisis, in your best moments.

This counts.

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I call you from my Saturday errands. You are on the soccer field between games halfway across the state. Paid to play soccer even though you’re almost 40 years old. Surrounded by men.

Still you listen to me talk about my brother, my visit to the healthfood store, my plans for the afternoon. You tell me you won your first game this morning and your roommate for the weekend is a soccer legend you admire. We talked for over an hour last night while you rode the van with six men to the tournament. You invited me to your best friend’s wedding celebration next weekend. You want me to see you play soccer. To help you with your next tournament. Dumb dating advice books tell me these are all the signs: picking up my call and listening to me babble even when you’re with your boys, wanting to know what I’m doing, inviting me to parties with your good friends.

You don’t admit it. Don’t say how much you want me. How much you love to talk to me. How much you think about me. That you jerk off thinking about me and my ass that you love and how good I make you feel when I suck your dick. You never had such mind-blowing sex. Think my face is beautiful. I make you laugh. You won’t admit it. But I know. You are mine.

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