A year ago I met you. A month later we had our first date, 6 months later you left. I never told you this because the past is the past, however I have been with so many men in my life that it all adds up. When everyone else was in long lasting relationships I was just shacking up. So when I met you, I knew our time together was special from the first night. I knew we clicked. You just got me. I knew I would have a really hard time letting you go, you didn’t make it easy. I wish I could hate you and move on, my girlfriends aren’t to fond of you- however they are desperate and when the relationship doesn’t amount to a “bf/gf” status within a month they are ready to kick their men to the curb. Though prior to the non status change they were oh so in “love”. I was oh so in love, for the right reasons, I think. If you take into account that you learn something from each relationship you encounter then I have to say I have learned a lot about love, men, dating, sex etc.
And you were different, We were different and this is why I can’t move on. I write you notes all the time, obviously they always go unsent- because why bother, it won’t bring you back and may even scare you. So the email you sent me the other day, made me realize that you, us we were different then anything I had ever experienced before. You are not my bf, and you told me yourself probably wouldn’t be for at least 5 years, because that’s when you thought you would be the right age to be someone’s bf. I don’t think it was an excuse, you were logical and it made sense. Our age difference is so crucial in how this all plays out, I’m not going to tell you this, but I want babies, I am in the right place in my life- however I would never want to rob you of your 20’s, I think those are important times for a young stud such as yourself.
I never felt as free as I feel with you. Even though we shoot a couple of monthly emails and have not seen each other in 6 months, somewhere inside my mind I have hope. I know that my heart is safe with you, maybe it’s because you haven’t found anyone else to love, IDK nor do I want to know. I feel safe with you. I told you I missed you yesterday, and you told me you missed me too. That made me feel safe. It’s just a feeling I get when you are on the other end of the computer, or all the times we shared. Being with you I let it all go, told you my hopes, dreams, wants, wishes and fears. I think you shared yours with me (even though yours will change over time). You wanted to help me get over my biggest fear just to prove to me that being fearful is pointless, and that if my fear happens no big deal you would be right there to help me. I like your honesty, or at least I hope you are honest- my gut tells me you are. My intuition tells me, to trust my gut so I am.
I could probably be away from you forever and never fill the void, I hope it’s not the case. I’m just not sure how we would really ever make this work. You hate NY- NY is my life. I want to be your friend forever but I know there’s going to come a point when it will hurt too much and I will have to say goodbye forever……