re-butt-al

Here’s a point-by-point rebuttal from a guy’s point of view.

1. Sweet!
2. Which is sick and gross, and also unfortunate. That aspect alone should probably rule it out as a potential bedroom activity.
3. Totally. Time and a place. Anal sex should be addressed over morning coffee, during a walk in the woods, or via text. Definitely prior to, and not during, the act of coitus.
4. We all have to compromise sometimes and please people in ways that aren’t necessarily self-fulfilling or enjoyable. The point is for everyone to be on the same page and entirely physically and emotionally comfortable with the situation. If anal sex gets taken off the table, what can replace it so that everyone is happy? Or maybe it’s a one-time deal. Or once a year on your birthday type of situation.
5. yes. agreed.
6. yes. agreed. so with lubrication & condoms it’s back on the intercourse agenda?
7. Here’s the main point of contention. Variety is essential. You might have the greatest vagina in the world. Most guys will still tire of doing the same thing over & over again. Keep it interesting at least. If a rendezvous between cock & anus just isn’t in the cards, propose a suitable, if less humiliating and painful alternative. Is anal sex more or less desirable to having a guy cheating on you? I realize that these are unfair choices. Maybe repeated requests for anal sex are a guy’s way of communicating being a little bored in a relationship or hook-up or friends with benefits scenario. Rock his world in other ways.
8. yes. agreed.
9. There’s an implicit power dynamic and subtle to not-so-subtle air of homoeroticism around the act of anal sex. Maybe anal sex is permissible so long as it goes both ways. Perhaps you propose to return the favor and see how interested the guy happens to be in being fucked in the ass himself?
10. Call me?

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Ass Talk

As a woman with a lovely warm moist vagina who enjoys dick, here are some things I think you men should know about anal sex:

#1. I have a lovely warm moist vagina.
#2. After taking it up the ass, I (and other ladies with whom I’ve discussed the topic) shit weird for at least two days. Nasty weird. And we think of you while we’re sitting in the stall of the public bathroom at work trying not to make nasty post-anal-sex shitting noises. And we’re not thinking nice things.

#3. It is insulting and totally ruins the mood when you talk about wanting to give it to me up the ass while my lovely naked self is sitting on you, you’re inside me, and I’m rocking your world, vagina-style.
#4. It is the rare. RARE. man who knows how to give it to a woman up the ass in a way that makes her moan and groan because she’s enjoying it. Most men have no idea what to do back there except have a good time themselves. If we’re moaning and groaning, it probably feels like shit – pun intended. And you are probably not that RARE man.
#5. lubricate lubricate lubricate
#6. Use a condom. Just because I can’t get pregnant doesn’t make it safe. For you or me.

#7. Don’t talk about how much you want to give it to me up the ass after I’ve just rocked your world, vagina-style. see #3.
#8. Don’t ask more than once. If we say “no” we don’t want to be asked again. Let alone begged. Seriously? Begging for it? euwww.
#9. Maybe you need to face facts about yourself and take a trip to the Castro in San Fran. There’s lots of people there who would be happy to take it up the ass from you. And you probably wouldn’t even have to give them your name, see their face, or ever talk to them again.

#10. I have a lovely warm moist vagina. You’re welcome.

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