I believe everyone comes into our lives to teach us something. Our marriage break up was the result of me realizing I was living a lie. I don’t know that you realize, how your coming into my life, taught me about passion and finding my personal truth: that perfect match of personal potential meeting desire and drive. A life that is full of effort but feels effortless. It’s like when the wind fills a sail and suddenly the boat takes off. The thrill of being one with the wind is amazing, effortless, guided by a force that is beyond and bigger than you or your boat.
I spent almost 30 years not listening to or being connected to my true self. Instead, I devoted all of my energy to our Christian marriage I anesthetized my soul by strictly adhering to our marriage vows. I told myself “I must be content”. I confused being lonely and hopeless as having some deep spiritual longing that needed to be controlled with prayer and Bible study.
After 27 years with you, when I was recovering from surgery, in vulnerable moment, I told myself the Truth. I no longer had the energy to continue living a lie. Connecting to my truth meant the beginning of the end of us. Our divorce was inevitable. It became very clear that you and I were going in two very different directions. I couldn’t deny the lies I had told myself about the marriage. You can’t un-ring the bell.
Ironically, I couldn’t have discovered my passion, my truth, without the contrast of living a lie for almost 30 years. Divorcing you meant, I, also, divorced my old self and walked away from my old life. Our marriage was my necessary path to learning the Truth. By breaking up the marriage, my soul caught the wind and I sailed into the life I was meant to live.