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Posts Tagged ‘engagement’

I should have known better that all those beautiful things happening so fast to us 2 years ago weren’t okay. They seemed so wonderful – much too wonderful to be true. I was starting a new life full of hope, determination and optimism (and healed wounds also) and you just seemed what I was looking for. (Now I know I projected those things and you are actually just a big kid.) First, we got engaged, and then moved together. A few suspicious things, warning sings: I ignored/swallowed them. And they grew into crisis, accusation, almost-cheating, spying, therapy.

However, we got back on the track. I still had hopes for us. Sure you also had hopes because you used to call me Mrs. D. again. Otherwise, I don’t know what happened inside you because you hardly ever talked about yourself during this almost 2 years. You’ve always kept privacy too big for me about your past, about what you do during the day or when you’re staying up at night but especially about your feelings and inner world. You didn’t only hold back things, you lied. White lies, I know, but straight to my eyes and meanwhile claiming you’re always honest to me. You never really opened up yourself to me yet you wanted to marry me.

Summa summarum, I have grown tired. I should have known better that the harder I try, the more you close yourself.
Next time, I’ll be wiser.

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