Posts Tagged ‘magic’

Once upon a time all the magic I was hoping for totally messed up and arrived all on one night. You made me believe that.

I was a tiny college child. I was infatuated with you, but not in any creepy way…you were sort of this muse who popped in and out of my life and my line of sight while I fell in love with other boys and frolicked about. I didn’t even know your name. I called you Cute Boy. We were thrown together by college things from time to time, and once you said you liked my socks. But who cares about socks!? I just wanted to do you. I had to read Daphnis and Chloe for class and decided you were the Daphnis to my Chloe…so I called you Daphnis instead. Then I stopped and called you Cute Boy again. But never any of this to your fucking cute face. I just wrote poems about you instead.

One night I went to see the Flaming Lips with another boy. I left to walk home convinced I was made of music and glitter and flowers and fake blood and cigarettes and vodka. It had been the most special and awesome show of my life thus far and I couldn’t shut up about it. I left a trail of confetti all the way through the city to my doorstep where I sat at 2am with that other boy and smoked rainbow cigarettes and giggled about how pissed my roommate would be when we went upstairs and made a ruckus before passing out in my tiny dorm bed. Something made us stay outside instead of going inside to snuggle.

I was mid-drag on my hot pink cigarette when you walked up my steps and sat next to me. I thought maybe someone had slipped me something at the show because I was clearly imagining this. You said Hi. You knew my name. You said we should hang out, that it was long overdue. You gave me your number on this small scrap of yellow paper. You said you hoped I would call soon, kissed me on the cheek and took off into the night. The other boy could not believe it – he knew about you, how I felt about you, had even seen you before. We were just friends and he proclaimed that night to be the most magical night.

So I called you. And we went out. And we made out. A lot. I told you everything about how I had thought you were cute for so long but too shy to do anything about it, and you told the same things back to me. That it was the same for you. You had the deepest darkest sparkling eyes and your bed head destroyed me. One night during a crazy lighting storm you told me you thought you might love me and I believed you. Until the next morning when it dawned on me that that, was probably the end.

And it was. I think your proclamation of love scared you. We saw each other a few more times to make out and listen to music and smoke cigarettes. We left for the summer and chatted online a few times but never saw each other. The next fall we made out a couple of times and went record shopping, and that was that. I wasn’t disappointed because I knew the magic had peaked that first night. My friend even said.

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