Posts Tagged ‘men’

You are the only considerably older man who is legitimately attracted to me. In a pretty sure you’d take me in the back and fuck me kind of way.
At first I thought you had taken a sort of fatherly interest in me and my life and my potential future accomplishments.
Then I got a little older and you took a maybe exaggerated interest.
I have the feeling you were always the sort of man who got what you wanted.
Don’t get me wrong, flirting with you is fine, if you think that the friendly chatting and laughing we occasionally do is flirting.
And if I was a different person I just might take you in the back and fuck you.
But here is the thing. Even though he’s married, I would still much rather fuck your son. Even though he’s married, I’m pretty sure he would be absolutely heartbroken, disgusted, horrified, devastated if I did fuck you.
I don’t actually want to fuck you, so it’s not a problem. I don’t get off on the idea of doing an older man. I’m not particularly attracted to you. I’m not particularly unattracted to you either. Someone might argue this is one of those life experiences you are supposed to go for.
You did call me a vixen that one time.
Is that supposed to make me feel good? Or feel guilty that I somehow made you think I was being flirtatious with a man who is old enough to be my father. Who’s son I have a thing for.

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You transferred to my school halfway through the year and as soon as you sat down I said hello. You were different, you were pierced you were beautiful. It wasn’t until we were at the movies that you said you had a boyfriend, that hurt. At grad you took my breath away.

Now we are married to different people and basically don’t talk but here is the thing I NEVER forgot you. I was just not ready to be who I could be. Now I am becoming a better man and wish I could fly there and just kiss you.

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Dear Weed,

I love you. You make me feel all the things opposite of how men make me feel.

Soft. Safe. Warm. Protected. Happy. Light-hearted. Unafraid. Calm. Lustful. Silly.

I don’t feel those things around men. You are like a lover like that. A lover I never had.

I look forward to you at the end of a long day or a hard week. I know you will be there for me. I combine you and a warm bath with candlelight and music and water with cucumber slices. If people have let me down or been rude or mean. You will be there. Comfort me. I’ll have fun with you. I’ll feel good with you. Guaranteed.

I love you Weed.

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You say: I can’t commit – I always find flaws in somebody.

I hear: The voice of my ex-boyfriend from six years ago who constantly picked at me.

You say: I want people to like me. I want them to like me so much I will even lie.

I hear: All the over-the-top things men have said to me so I wouldn’t walk away from them. Even though they didn’t mean them.

You say: It’s lonely to be a player. You can’t accept anybody for who they are. You can’t accept yourself.

I remember: The broken men I have tried to be with who hated themselves and took it out on me.

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Finally. I have a crush on a man again. A big, strong, kind, somewhat smelly man. Yes! You!

I have hated men since I dated that last guy. His selfishness in bed and in life made me sick and not want anybody. I put on weight so I would be less attractive. From December through March I sat at home with the cat and ate. And ate. Watched TV. Got stoned. I flaked out on plans to go out with girlfriends a lot and just stayed home by myself.

Then I decided to get a personal trainer. My friend liked her personal trainer. You!

You are kind and you pay attention to me and my body and whether I am in pain or not. You have done Landmark Education and you are self-aware. We have only had two appointments but they have been the highlight of my week. You shared some things with me about yourself – I just wanted to keep talking and talking to you. To curl up in your smelly armpit.

My friend told me lots of women crush on you, especially ones that train with you. I probably don’t have a chance. Your last girlfriend was ripped and took first place in a bikini bodybuilding competition.

Not like me. I’m depressive and artsy-fartsy and addictive and undisciplined. Also I’m super insecure about men and I know what a turn-off that is. But I still want you and fantasize that we could be together.

I don’t want to let you know. I want to hide it from you 100%. I need to stay safe. I can’t stand to feel used and hurt and humiliated again like I did with the last guy. It’s going to be my secret boiling desire. I like feeling good about a man again. I hope it stops soon so I don’t get hurt.

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I hate being called “babe.” Except when you drunkenly did it. Then I kind of loved it.

You can get away with that sort of thing because I know you actually respect me.

And because it makes me laugh because it doesn’t suit you to talk to women that way.

We both know I’m not your babe. But in fleeting moments, perhaps.

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You have been in the U.S. at least 15 years. You refuse to speak Spanish with me, only English. Even when I ask you to practice my Spanish with me.

When I want you to tell me I look nice or want some passionate affection – you warn me “I’m not one of those typical Latin guys who’s going to be all affectionate with you and romantic.” When I ask you to be on time for something important or to make plans with me in advance you say “You need to understand. We come from two different worlds. You are white and white people make plans and schedule things. In my world, we Latinos don’t make plans – we do things spontaneously.”

Stereotypical macho man – you eat at my house and won’t even carry the dish to the sink. But you never pay for dinner or anything without complaining about it. Then where was the machismo and chivalry when I needed help caring boxes up and down the stairs but you were surfing the Internet instead?

Of course this is all ridiculous. I know white men who are very affectionate and romantic. I have Latin friends who make plans and keep them and show up on time. Men and women of all races and cultures are different. You just use stereotypes so you can continue being the most selfish man on earth.

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