Posts Tagged ‘poetry’

I still see you, you know.

In my dreams, you’re staring at me with those seemingly empty crystal blue eyes and telling me, “no more”.

When I open my eyes,
I adjust my body as if you were still there,
reaching across the mattress to lay my arm gently over my pillow and pull it between my legs.
My body aches to be intertwined with yours.
Especially in the morning sunlight.

I see you on my way to work.
Laughing, or arguing, but most likely in groggy silence,
in the December air, while driving to Cambridge.
With the window down, I can still smell your cigarette smoke.

In the evenings, I see you at my front door.
Rosy cheeks and shivering, a meek smile, your shiny gold back pack.
A light kiss and lingering hug.
I want it to linger longer.

At the kitchen sink, soapy water bubbles over brims of bowls
As I feel your skinny fingers reach for me and fumble around my waist
You rest your warm cheek against my neck
I am holding you up.
And I shiver with the pressure.

I climb the stairs to my bedroom, your ghost does not follow.
The air is heavy, it weighs down hard on my chest.
Frantically, I push the tears back from eyes.
You hate it when I cry.

In bed, thoughts of you with your head between her legs seduce me like the devil clawing his way through my brain.
All consuming pain rushes through me.
Creeping from my chest, to the pit of my stomach, to the tips of my toes.

“Sleep,” you say.
“Goodnight,” I whisper to myself in the dark, hoping you hear me.

You are dead to me.

But I still see you.

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How I wish I had never met you,

How I wish I would stop feeling this way.

But instead,

I wish you were here,

I wish I could reach out and touch you again.

I wish I could make you happy,

and secretly exult at that.

Sometimes I wish I were her,

just to know what it feels like to be loved by you.

I wish you would call me again,

even if it’s at 1a.m in the night.

Or I wish I could give you a call instead,

and say I love You,

’cause I really do.

I wish I didn’t worry about you so much.

I wish you were nothing to me, like how I am nothing to you.

I was so sure that when this day came, it would be over,

that I would have forgotten your touch, your voice,

your all-knowing-smile,

that you would become a distant memory.

Oh how I wish…

I wish I had the answers, wish I knew the reasons.

I should be glad the wistful year ends tomorrow,

But I secretly wish it didn’t and I stayed right here.

Right here with you.

I never moved on, I just learnt to live with your absence 🙂

I wish you would reappear,

Wish you would give me your heart this time,

or at least give back mine?

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If the god of the Sea should call to you,
Beware to heed this entreat, it sounds

Innocent like gulls and harbor bells
He means for you to drown.

In condensation circles he draws your fate
While you sit patiently and wait

Imagining you make a choice,
That you could walk away

You’re caught up in the crashing wave
Churning effortlessly, green and grey.

With darkest eyes five fathoms deep,
He leads you further still

And by the time you sense the undertow
He’s reaching for the bill.

The ocean’s ebb he makes like night air
Swirling around your head

Your hair whips round, it seems like speed,
But you’re sinking lower then.

The stirred up sand glints like stars in the sky
As he gently leads you deep

Where coral and crenellated seaweed fronds
Appear like furniture and boxwood leafs.

And you think it’s wine that sways you
But it’s already the swell

That’s filled your lungs and soaked your eyes
In an underwater cell.

He tells you he likes music,
But the Sirens work for him

It’s their job to sing to you
While he tugs your body back to shore

Not noticing the sea water
Still seeping from your pores

Driving home, your legs are damp
With passion, so you say

But he’s risen the surf up over your head
And floated you away.

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