I have slept with 31 people. Man! Some soulless fucking went on. Kanye West said “I been tryin’ hard to right my wrongs. But they helped me write this song.” He’s right. Regret is bullshit. I got a few friends and acquaintances who say they have no regrets. For real? Wow. Good for you. I would like to wipe away the sexual stain of at least 50% of those 31 experiences. Yeah, I got regrets.
I didn’t know how awkward and unsatisfying the sex and the aftermath would be. Sometimes my instincts told me “Stop girl! Keep those pink panties on!” But I went ahead, had that 3rd drink, and fucked the dude anyway. Why? I don’t fucking know. I hate myself? His face was pretty? I was lonely and horny and hadn’t had sex in a long time? Hope springs stupidly eternal? I felt fearless and magical flirting and making out?
The magic disappeared as soon as I gave the green light and the fucking got started. A bunch of those dudes made me feel invisible. You could tell once the ride started they were only concentrated on getting to their own fireworks. No eye contact. Grunting to themselves. Nasty! I was just a fuckhole at that point. Sad! Am I the only woman who’s had this experience or am I oversensitive? Do men ever feel that lonely and unsatisfied just getting their fuck on without any other connection?