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Posts Tagged ‘Valentine’

It’s weird because you and I felt so right together, yet deep down I know our lives are so different, it makes the you and I in “us” incapable of being a real “us” and more like a non existing “us”. However there is a you and there is a me. You are a boy/man. I am a full fledged adult. While our age difference means nothing while we are together it seems that our lives are so noticeably different. Or maybe you are just not that into me. I mean- 100% of me does not want to believe that because being that I am alot older than you I have dated a hell of a lot and what we had was like nothing I had ever experienced before. You told me once the only time you were happy was when you were with me. The only times I was excstatic was when I was with you. Its been 6 months since you have been gone, you see I really believe that if you were still here we would still be together. Before you left we spent every day together, and each day was better than the day before. I think I loved you since our first date. You made me laugh, and cry but more importantly you made me believe, you gave me this confidence, I wanted you to think I was the best- better than all the rest. You made me strive for success. I wanted you to think I was perfect (I know, nobody is). Nobody has ever wanted to go out with me that they asked someone else to help them like you did. I have never had a date for any sort of occasion, let alone a school dance (even though you technically were not my “date”). You were my first Valentine, the only person I ever spent Valentines Day with. I never spent a holiday with anyone other than my parents. With you I spent two. Valentines Day and Memorial Day. I never felt more confident with anyone else’s love than I did with yours. And now you are gone, and not coming back. I will remain hopeful forever……

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I remember laying in the back of your dad’s minivan making out really quietly while he drove us home. Somehow the seats must have been removed because it was dark enough that he couldn’t see us laying flat back there. He had just picked us up at the bowling alley. Of course he knew we were making out. Parents always know more than kids give them credit for. He probably thought it was adorable and amazing and he was right.

Your kisses were soft and inexperienced, but every single touch was an absolute thrill. We never made out until after we broke up, and for some reason, I was fine with that. I think the pressure of a “relationship” was all too much for me and this “casual kissing” seemed much more my pace. I was sad about the break up though, so I’m curious how I reconciled it all in my head. I wonder if I cried again when that stopped happening. How does a teenager mourn the loss of an already over relationship? I can’t remember how it finally ended. You probably just found someone who can handle everything you wanted.

I think you were the last boy I dated who acknowledged Valentine’s Day existed while we were dating. You sent me flowers. To my locker? Or delivered to me at lunch. I was so overwhelmed, yet simultaneously thrilled. Did I bring them home? What did my parent’s think? You probably were a really good boyfriend. Especially as high school boyfriends go. I wonder how it would have been different if dating didn’t scare me so much. Not that I think we would be together now or anything. Just that maybe we would have had some good innocent high school make out sessions. That maybe could have prepared me more for what was coming next.

xo

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Send Letters for Loves a letter about your favorite Valentine.

A moment or a person, send it in! lettersforloves@gmail.com

All letters will be posted.

xox

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I am a single woman. Happily so 90% of the time. My life is full of love. Friends of 20 years. Friends of 2 months. Work friends. Dance friends. Gay friends. International friends. Elderly friends. Young friends. Mentor to a 17 year old teenager. Auntie to my friend’s adorable little boys. Friends who text me to check in because they know I’m going on a job interview. Friends who take me to brunch when I’m feeling blue. Friends to celebrate my birthday with. Friends to take care of.

I don’t need a fucking Valentine’s Day card or bouquet of roses to feel appreciated or loved. But here I sit at work getting uber-aggravated while the women around me talk about Valentine’s Day and what their spouse or boyfriend got them. While they receive roses and cards at work and parade around with them. I realized Valentine’s Day doesn’t make me bitter about being single. It makes me bitter and disgusted about women in relationships with men who crow about their gifts and their man’s attention like it’s some kind of trophy. Are you that kind of woman? You gross me out.

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Remember in friends, when ross and rachel went on a break but ross thought they were broken up and he had sex with someone else? it was a hilarious running bit for ages. happy story.

remember on gilmore girls when rory and logan were on a break but logan thought they were broken up and had sex with all those girls? he convinced her, in his mind, he wasn’t cheating, and she forgave him. happy story.

remember when we were sitting in my car and I said I just wanted to break up because going on a break never worked (I gave the above examples even) and you insisted that we just go on a break until valentine’s day? I thought that’s where we left it. but somehow you thought we were broken up and got your ex to blow you in that bathroom at school.

I mostly think it’s hilarious because I TOLD YOU SO. I was right. I win. And I think it’s kind of hot that after 2 years you can still get that dumb bitch to do whatever you want whenever you want. You are quite virile, Darling. Be my valentine.

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